Jennifer came to see me recently, exhausted and wanting help in regaining her focus and strength and pleasure in life. Her foundational card, that energy that holds the container for everything else, was The Hermit. Now, this card usually tells us that it’s time for some deep inner work, time to shine the light on the darkness within. However, some of the cards surrounding The Hermit (as well as a whisper or two from her guides) led me to ask a question of Jennifer: “How much time to do you spend on processing?” The dam burst wide open. “All my time!” she cried. “It seems like I spend all my time processing, looking at my responses, finding reasons and patterns. I’m exhausted by the processing but I know I have to in order to understand my reactions!”
What did Jennifer mean by ‘processing’? Simply put, processing is looking within to locate the source of a response to an event or situation, or the source to a pattern of behavior. And, as Jennifer found out, it can be hard work, especially if, like Jennifer, you feel that every emotion, every response, warrants processing.
When did we start believing that every emotion does need to be processed? Who determined that anger, or frustration, or fear, or sorrow, or dislike, or any of what might be labeled “shadow” emotions were not appropriate? And because they were ‘wrong’, ‘inappropriate’, or ‘unacceptable’, they must be analyzed to be understood and thus healed?
Of course, some of our responses may, in fact, come from a trigger that needs to be seen and resolved. But Jennifer was trying to process every response, every emotion! No wonder she was exhausted. As we looked at the cause of some of her reactions, she realized that many were normal and appropriate responses to a specific situation occurring at that moment. She also realized that a response was not inappropriate just because someone else didn’t like that response!
For Jennifer, The Hermit was not telling her it was time to do some deep inner work and shine the light of awareness within. The Hermit was telling her to distinguish between responses that were reactions to patterns and behaviors that did not serve her, and responses that were normal and appropriate for the situation at hand.
I heard from Jennifer a couple weeks after our meeting, and she sounded upbeat and energized. “I feel transformed”, she said. “Each day that passes I’m better able to discern which of my emotions are valid responses to a situation, and which are reactionary, based on old patterns. I love giving myself permission to express valid emotions freely!”
“There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.” – Carl Jung