“I don’t know who I am.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that from clients over the past year. “I just don’t know who I am any more.” How many times have you felt that way? How often have you sat and contemplated and meditated and journaled and questioned, “Who am I?”

I have another question for you, several, in fact. What is it that you do not know? What is it about yourself that you feel you need to name? How would you live differently if you “knew yourself”?

Here’s another question. What are you not doing because you don’t “know who you are”? Which leads to yet another question. Do you think you can ever truly know who you are? Every moment you live, every decision you make, every decision you don’t make, leads you to the next moment, and the next, and the next. And with each moment, there are new experiences, new opportunities, new possibilities, that lead you to the next choice, the next step. And with each moment, with each step, with each choice, your life changes irrevocably. Can you not, then, assume that who you are changes too? So with each moment, your life changes and you change. How, then, can you ever “know who you are” when you are constantly changing and shifting from one moment, one decision, one step, to the next.

What is it that you need to know about yourself before you can embrace the beauty and wonder and color of life? What do you need to know about yourself before you can feel what is stirring within you? In each moment, can you find that place within that is aware of how you feel, of what you desire, of what is calling to you? In that moment? Can you open to the magic that exists around you, in that moment?

If you ask me who I am, I will answer this: It is an unanswerable question. Who I am cannot be known. I simply am. And I am engaged in life every moment, unconcerned that I do not have an answer to “who am I?”.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Seuss

I had an interesting conversation with someone not too long ago, a young man I’d never met before who had come into Crystal Way. He wanted a tarot reading, and asked how much it would cost. I explained the duration and cost of readings I offered, but he wasn’t happy with my fee schedule. Instead, he said, he preferred to have the reading and then afterward pay me what he felt the reading was worth. He should be able to determine the length of the reading, as well.

I found that response to be quite interesting, as I hadn’t mentioned that I work on a donation basis, so I pursued the conversation. “Are you asking me to let you tell me how much my reading is worth? You would like to be the one to place a value on me?” He smiled and nodded yes. It was “more spiritual” that way, he explained; I was pretty sure he thought that would appeal to my “spiritual” side and I’d see the error of my ways. I explained to him that I did not work that way, thanked him, and walked away.

But that conversation got me thinking. How interesting that this stranger wanted to be the one to decide what my work was worth, and by extension what I was worth. This is something that I talk about in depth in my Reiki I class, and it feels important to share that discussion with you. Let me set a quick foundation first.

In the Level I Reiki class, we focus on the ways in which we create disease in the body. As part of that focus, we discuss the role that our seven main chakras play in the manifestation of disease; if our chakras are blocked, our chi, or life force energy, cannot flow smoothly, causing stagnation of energy in the body, causing disease. Our 5th chakra, the throat chakra, is our communication chakra. It is not just about speaking, it is about speaking our truth, speaking what comes from our core, that center of authenticity. It is the willingness to say what is in our hearts, even at the risk of rejection.

That risk of rejection is the reason why so many people don’t speak their truth. They are afraid of losing what they have, of what they’ve created. They are afraid of being judged, of not being accepted, of not being loved. This fear of rejection causes people to try to please everyone else, even if it means not speaking the truth, in order to be accepted and loved. They begin to see themselves, to value themselves, through the standards and judgments and opinions of others. It triggers their lack of self-love, their belief they are not worthy of being loved. Their self-worth is reliant upon what someone else thinks of them, and that opinion can and will change continually depending upon how the other person feels in any given moment. How can anyone know their true worth, their true value, when it shifts moment to moment, person to person?

A different outcome to my interaction with the young man in the store could have been that I acquiesced to his request. I could have been afraid of losing a potential client; I could have questioned whether I was being “spiritual” or not; I could have doubted my fee schedule; I could have let him determine what my worth was. Perhaps I might have done so at one time; like many people I’ve had my own challenges with self-love.

And while I may, as many people do, face my shadow of self-love on occasion, it seldom has control over me (I still love myself even when the call of chocolate becomes much too loud to ignore and I overindulge!). Especially when it comes to my work; I do not need the approval or validation of anyone else to know the value of what I do. I did not even for a moment consider accepting the conditions this young man had wanted to place on a reading, but did appreciate the opportunity he presented to revisit this issue of self-worth and self-love.

Do you still struggle with your shadows of self-worth and self-love? Call me to schedule an appointment, and let’s face, and resolve, those shadows together!

“Imagine when you look in the mirror that the face looking back at you is someone you truly love. Just imagine.” – Isha Judd

Welcome to 2010! A new year, a new beginning, a new opportunity to let go of old patterns and behaviors and beliefs that no longer serve you and open up to a new, authentic, way of living.

2009 was for most people a very challenging year, both personally and professionally. In my role as an Intuitive Consultant, the two biggest issues clients ask about are love and money. Are you finding your relationships shifting and changing? Are you facing concerns about finances? What can you do to facilitate your way through these shifts and concerns?

Life is about change. If you aren’t changing, you’re remaining stagnant. Our relationships often reflect the changes we go through. Some relationships can change and grow with us, and some relationships we grow out of. Where are you holding on to old relationships that no longer support who you have become? Are you still in relationships that do not give you the space and support to reach for the unlimited possibilities that exist for you? Are you keeping yourself small to fit into your current relationship? As you change, doesn’t it seem appropriate that your relationships change, as well? This holds true for all our relationships – family, friends, and lovers. Discover who you are, how you want relationship to make you feel, where you will compromise and what is simply NOT negotiable, what your hopes and dreams are, and then look carefully to see if your relationships support all of who you are at this moment.

If your major concern is about money, look at where you are creating limitation. I personally know people who are doing quite well, even in this economy. Why? They are allowing themselves to “course correct” with the way they earn income. Rather than trying to do the same thing, and getting upset that it isn’t working, they are looking at what the market needs, what people ARE spending money on, and altering the way they do business to fit what the market needs.

Also, become more conscious about your spending. Where is your money going? Are you holding so tightly to what you have that nothing is going out, which also means nothing can find its way in? Or are you spending unconsciously, having no idea where your money is going. I had one client who came in a while ago, moaning about how he so wanted to take my previous Reiki I class, but just didn’t have the money. We looked at where his money had gone, and he was shocked to discover how it had been spent. He realized that with a little consciousness, he could have easily afforded the class without denying himself a dinner out, a movie, or meeting friends at a bar. Be conscious about where your money is being spent, and make sure it’s being spent on that which you consider truly worthwhile in the long run, not just for the moment.

If you need assistance gaining clarity on either of these issues – money and love – perhaps it’s time to schedule a session with me!

For the past six months, I have been writing a workbook based on the series of intuitive tarot classes I teach. The workbook is just about completed; a few more chapters on bits and pieces, then back to the beginning to do some editing and polishing up.

As mine is a non-fiction book, my research has shown that I don’t have to have a completed manuscript before starting my search for an agent. And so, the search is on!

Obviously, I’m looking for an agent who specializes in, and is currently open to receiving, queries on non-fiction, self-help/spiritual/new-age books, and willing to take on a new author. I’ve found several, and this morning sent off two email queries.

What’s a “query”? Basically, a query letter is a one (or two at the most) page letter introducing me (the author) and my book. Most agents today require a query letter first; if that letter peaks their interest, they’ll ask for a proposal and sample chapters. Additionally, many agents will only accept email queries.

So, in one short email, I have to create enough interest in me and my book to get an agent, who receives hundreds of queries a week, to want to see more. No pressure there!

It will be several weeks before I’ll get a response….if either of these agents is interested. If they are not, I’ll hear nothing. In the meantime, I’ll continue my research on agents, and continue to send out queries.

Even knowing I may be rejected, it’s pretty exciting! I loved writing the workbook, I’m fascinated by the whole process of queries and submissions and proposals, and one way or another, my workbook WILL get published. Of that I’m sure.

Facebook is a fascinating site. People share the minutiae of their lives with friends and strangers alike: some posts are thoughtful; some posts are silly and/or funny; interesting videos are shared; community events broadcast.

More than the posts themselves, the comments about the posts are most telling. You can learn a lot about someone by the comments they write.

Yesterday, I got into a “conversation” with someone I did not know, who had commented on a post written by someone we both did know. I found his comment to be distasteful, and responded to it. Following is the exchange (names omitted):

him: Have you seen the t-shirt, “If a fat girl falls in the forest and nobody is around to see it, do the tree’s laugh?” AHAHAH

me: Why would a person choose to wear a t-shirt with such a hurtful saying on it? So not funny.

him: i thought it was hilarious! you just have no sense of humor, gina.

me: I actually have a great sense of humor! I just don’t find humor in that which degrades or diminishes others.

him: Lol k. Its still hilarious in my eyes though.

I am so saddened that people find it “hilarious” to mock, degrade, and/or diminish others. As a woman, especially in light of the resurgence of overt sexism and misogyny in our society, I am particularly offended by “jokes” against women.

What is so hilarious about mocking “fat girls”? Don’t women, young and old alike, struggle enough with society’s demands of perfection? Every magazine ad, every billboard, every television show and commercial pretty much tells us that if we aren’t thin, beautiful, and young, we’re not worth much.

We’ve seen, in the past couple of years, a rise in sexist and misogynist behavior by both men and women. (Why women find it necessary to tear down other women I will never understand; it breaks my heart.) Who can forget the “Sarah Palin is a cunt” t-shirts worn so proudly by young men and women who didn’t like her politics? How about the “Hillary Clinton is a bitch” t-shirts, also worn by those who opposed her? The media continues its disgraceful displays of misogyny towards Governor Palin even today, while late-night “comedians” make lewd and crude “jokes” about the Governor’s daughters.

It’s irrelevant whether you support someone politically. Guess what? Women are human beings, and deserve to be treated with respect. Disagree with their politics, but treat every person with the same respect you expect.

“Fat girl” jokes are not funny, they are hurtful. T-shirts calling women degrading names are not funny, they are despicable. Jokes by comedians about young girls are not funny, they are shameful.

Next time you hear a “joke” that degrades another human being, please think twice before laughing. Please consider speaking out and letting the jokester know that what he/she said is neither funny nor appropriate. You and I are part of society, and as such it’s up to us to change society’s consciousness about what is funny and what is just plain mean.

In just 9 short days, Jane Green of Everlasting Magic Design (http://www.everlastingmagicdesign.com/) has created a website that is far beyond what I had imagined it would be. My brother Robert, who made this website possible, said, when I asked him what he thought about it:

In a word: SUPERB!
Distinctive, elegant, professional, original, credible, clear, user-friendly.

My sister Sandra, to whom I also turn for advice and input, said:

I don’t just like it, I LOVE it!

I couldn’t agree more with Robert and Sandra. Jane is a web design master. Thank you, Jane!

It’s much more difficult than I’d expected, and I’m not even building it! Jane Green, of Everlasting Magic Design (www.everlastingmagicdesign.com), web designer magician, is creating the site for me. Right now, all I have to do is pick the color scheme. It’s not quite as easy as “I like autumn colors”. The tints, the shades, the combinations, the flow of colors…..whew. I have a whole new appreciation for web designers!

I’ve joined the blogging community! What a great forum to share thoughts, ideas, and news with you, and to hear what you have to say through comments.

Of course, the header of this blog will eventually mirror my new website, so until then try to ignore the plain blue (and slightly boring) look!

I’ve no doubt there will be lots to share with you in the coming months. My Tarot Workbook is well under way, I’m collaborating with an amazing artist on creating a tarot deck, and now a soon-to-be-unveiled fabulous new website. Isn’t life simply amazing?

I’ll be back with more soon.